NOt sure about school

I'm kinda nervious now.. my cars fucked.. so how am i going to get to school.. i have the money for the regisration fee now.. but how am i going to get there.. i'm really nervous.. My mom does not want me to use her car.. even if i buy the gas and have someone drop me off and pick me up.. I'll have the money to buy a car when tax time gets here.. but thats a couple months away..

I am just going to have to talk to mom.. and see if i can work somthing out with her.. I know she needs new glasses.. hopefully if i can help her get them.. maybe she will come around and help me out till i can get back on my feet..

I so totally want to move out of her house.. be self suffeciant again.. it sucks being a 43 yr old woman with a grown married kid and a nealry grown one .. i feel like such a failure.. a fuck up.. I screw every thing up .. EVERYTHING>. it seems that i cant do aything right to save my neck.. like in the fact that i hae misplaced one of my more important meds.. I've searched for it tonight .. or rather this morning.. i'm gonna look again tomorrow.. Maybe its lost in all these clean cloths that i need to hang up .. I do need to get the rest washed and hang what needs to e hanged.. and put away the rest in the chest..


But on a brighter note.. I should be recieving part of my yule gift tomorrow.. schecdled to be here.. from fed ex.. about 7 brushes from elf cosmetics.. I cant wait for them to get here.. then in about 4 more days the rest of my yule gift should be here.. i got a whole set of cream eye shadow from elf.. I havent used their makeup yet.. heres my frist try.. hopefully its good.. its cheap makeup .. but i am finding cheap dont mean every thing..
yes you do get what you pay for.. but you have to be frugel when your on a tight budget.. .. which we are.. since we have lost just about every thing due to both myself and my boyfriend of 5 yrs loosing our jobs very clost to the same time.. like with in a couple weeks

then my care broke down..
thought it just jumped time.. but hell idk somthing else is wrong with it .. idk exaclty but the shop wants 1k to fix it.. and i dont have it..
i so want my car back.. i just dont know what to do .. Goddess please share some of your wisdom with me.. and help me through this.. I think i will most diff have to do a blue moon rit.. this month on 12/31.. which is my bf bday..


Dec is going to be a busy month.. not only is it smas.. which my family still celebrates. Im the only witch in teh family..
so xmas eve.. and my uncle pats bday.. xmas and my sis bf bd.. and 12/31 is my bf bday.. he'll hit the big 40 .. yep i robbed the craddle.. but at our age.. 3 yrs dont really make much of a diff..

Oh yeah i have good news. Josh my 16 yr old actually went to school every day last week.. its wonderfull. Getting him to get up and go to school is an issue every monting..
but i have had to make some strict rules and stick by them.. cut off his allowance.. not gonna pay him to sit on his ass and do nothing which includes not going to schoo.. not only that.. it was lap top repo and the card that makes the satilite box work.. he bascally had a bed .. its a bedroom anyway not an entertainment room

Josh has a lot of issues steaming from when robert and i started dating and him moving in.. he feels like i treated his sister better. i dont think i did.. and then i throw robert in the mix and he feels he has less attention.. I am trying so hard to make up for that.. but maybe to little to late.. I hope not.. I am trying ..

anyway im gonna end this for now.. my meds are finally kicking in and i am getting so sleepy ..

Blessings of Avalon..

May the Goddess look down upon you with love and her healing energy..

night all I'll post at ya later.. leave comments if you want.. I would love to hear what you all have to say